Monday, October 26, 2009

Finding your SOUL MATE!



Love to read and reread Dr Neil Clark Warren's "FALLING IN LOVE FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS!"

Its very practical! If you find yourself always falling for the wrong person and repeating your silly mistakes in love, I would recommend that you read this book.

Okie, let me summarise the book! Good luck in finding your soul mate!

A) SCREENING DIMENSION

i) Good Character (Integrity, trust, honesty, moral uprightness, consideration for others and not rude to others.)

ii) Quality of your self conception (Emotional health comes from having good self concept, he/she must prepare to deal with
ups and downs, good and bad, joys and sorrows. He/she must be generous with time and $ and kind to others!)

iii) Watch out for red flags
(Addicted to porno, nicotine, gambling, drugs or engage in any behaviour that negatively affects health. Is he/she
excessively anxious, incapable of handling daily frustrations.)

iv) Anger Management
(People who turn their anger inward tend to look at what is wrong with life rather than what is right.)

v) Obstreperousness
(People who are harsh, critical, unappreciative, difficult to please, quick to find fault and never satisfied.)

vi) Understanding about family
(Discuss in detail the idea of having children, is he/she ready for parenting and ready to make sacrifices.)

vii) Family Background
(Dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional families. Get to know your partners' parents; are they very controlling?)


B) THE CORE PERSONAL DIMENSIONS (16 characteristics of a person that are relatively DIFFICULT TO ALTER, INGRAINED BY EACH PERSON'S ENVIRONMENT AND EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE.)


1) Intellect (Imbalance? )

2) Similar Energy Levels (Two low energy individuals can get along fine.)

3) Spirituality (Those people who are not spiritual have difficulties in understanding those who are spiritually inclined.)

4) Education

5) Appearance (Most men and women are much comfortable being matched with someone in a range of attractiveness similar
to their own. Appearance tends to become less important as years pass.)

6) Sense of Humour
(You need not be able to generate humor, you just need to appreciate humor.)

7) Mood Management
(Dealing with someone who suffers from extreme mood fluctuations is tricky.)

8) Traditional vs non traditional personalities
(Does he likes life to be rather predictable and prefers to plan for parties, vacations or someone who goes with the flow or
whatever happens to inspire at the moment.)

9) Ambition
(Highly motivated, competitive or simply can't be bothered. One person passionately pursue his goals while the other resents
the effort, money and energy expended to do so.)

10) Sexual Passion

11) Artistic Passion
(Artistic people are highly non traditional. Many are loners and nonconformists.

12) Values
(For instance, a value that promotes saving money as opposed to a value of spending money lavishly on yourself.)

13) Industry
(meaning are you industrious or lazy person)

14) Curiosity

15) Vitality and Security
(If you know you couldn't possibly live with a person who cannot provide the security you need, you are fooling yourself to
think you can be happy in a long term relationship with that person.)

16) Autonomy vs Closeness
(Some couples function better with a little breathing room. Others need to be holding hands everytime they walk more than
a few feet in same direction.)


C) SKILLS THAT CAN BE DEVELOPED

1) Communication
(Good at talking and good at listening to you)

2) Kindness

3) Dominance vs submissiveness

3 SECRETS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

- It is impt to know clearly who you are.
- It is impt to know clearly the similarities in a partner that are important to you.
- It is important to be aware of those traits you must have and those you can't stand in a relationship.



Love beyond love at first sight needs a lot more homework to be done.

Hope you find the above helpful!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

hapi Birthday!

Rummi said...

Adding on to your criterias for finding soulmate...

Check his infant history. His attachment style will determine how he will behave in the relationship.

Secure attachment style - GRAB HIM ! The rest, hmm, need harder work... ;)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday....

ahbee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ahbee said...

Happy Birthday..

Eileen. 静 said...

thanks for tips!

Prince89a said...

A young slim gentleman 35years never been married, but 5feet 6 inches tall, am cool honest,lovely and i like watching movies and i will love to meet a good ,honest, adventurous,serious lady who i can put all my trust and love to.